When you play as many golf courses I have, there are going to be courses that do not qualify as favorite or even leave any kind of lasting impression. I knew the day may come where I played a course that was so bad or so unremarkable that it must be spoken into the light for purpose of public awareness and knowledge that this course should be avoided at all costs. I actually found a course that was so awful in so many ways that I believe it should not be open for public golf and should be closed until many drastic improvements can be made. This course comes in the form of Valhalla Resort Golf Club. What went wrong here and what needs to change for it to be a respectable golf course?
The Wrong Location: Helen, Georgia
On a trip back from the North Georgia mountains I made the decision, which in retrospect, is a regrettable one, to stop in Helen, Georgia. I had spotted a course in the area that looked like it could be an interesting stop. Helen gets a lot of write up and verbal hype from it’s German influence and town design and culture, specifically its fall season built around Octoberfest. I was exposed to Helen’s barren raw bones on a winter day which showed a gimmicky downtown filled with an abundance of run down hotels and shops. It made me wonder how the town survives on such a short and specific tourist window. From the on set of driving through town I should have followed my intuition at the time and kept driving. While it was a quiet winter day, the thought of over crowded beer filled tourist streets solidified the likelihood of me coming back to Helen greater than me breaking par on 18 holes. The prospect of being in the mountains and playing golf was the only thing that gave me reason to carry forward.
Facilities and Staff (Or Lack There Of)
Valhalla Golf Club sits just a few minutes outside of downtown Helen. After winding up a short mountain road and past a gate and guard (this was surprising) you arrive at the golf facility which according to the website is part of the Valhalla Resort Hotel. Upon entry to this area, my first thoughts were similar to downtown: run down and in need of a massive make over and face lift. There was no clear direction of where to check in or working staff. The golf clubhouse (if you can call it that) has a similar German design to most of the town and surrounding run down vacation condos, houses and hotel. After roaming around the clubhouse aimlessly trying to find where to check in, I stumbled upon a check in desk on the middle floor. After a few minutes waiting to be helped someone came up front begrudgingly to check me in. I think I paid in the forty dollar range to play, but this place should be playing golfers for this experience. The first tee sits just outside of the ‘clubhouse. Off to the left sat what looked to be a driving range or at some point was a driving range. This range made Tin Cup’s driving range look like Augusta National. I read a review online of a golfer who asked about the range and was told you had to pick up range balls if you wanted to use the facility; this seemed a little far fetched, but not far off.
Do not let this picture fool you; the center pictured facility is a poor attempt at a golf clubhouse
Something Called A Golf Course
What can top the awful experience so far of Helen and this golf facility, well it was only the golf course left to bring things home, and somehow the worse was yet to come. I teed it up on what felt like a mixture of concrete and dirt in the first tee box and immediately knew this was going to be a bad golf experience. There was scarce grass anywhere to be found anywhere on the first tee and this stayed true throughout the course. The approach shots I did have in the fairway at times where not on actual fairway. A step below the shape of the fairways and tee boxes and fairways were the greens. These were not golf greens. They were rock hard, bumpy, and patchy, everything a golf green should not be. The course itself was certainly was a mountain course and had a mix of ups and downs as a mountain course should, but there was really no flow or concistency in the design or structure. Nine holes were more than I could bear, the back nine was not calling, for maybe once. It was time to say good goodbye to Valhalla and Helen for that matter, and most likely never to return.
A poor excuse for a golf fairway, the third ‘hole’ at Valhalla Golf Club
Once is More Than Enough
What a odd place to be to spend time providing such negative commentary of a golf course and surrounding area. It has not something I ever hoped to do or planned to do in my writing. My hope is this post saves people or at least one person from playing this golf course who may be considering. My one saving gracing is this writing led me down a path of researching the worse golf courses in America, somehow it can get worse.